*ROMANCE MATHEMATICS*
Smart man + Smart woman = Romance
Smart man + Dumb woman = Affair
Dumb man + Smart woman = Marriage
Dumb man + Dumb woman = Pregnancy

*OFFICE MATHEMATICS*
Smart boss + Smart employee = Profit
Smart boss + Dumb employee = Production
Dumb boss + Smart employee = Promotion
Dumb boss + Dumb employee = Overtime

*SHOPPING MATHEMATICS*
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item she doesn’t need.

*GENERAL EQUATIONS AND STATISTICS*
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

*HAPPINESS*
To be happy with a man, you need to understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

*LONGEVITY*
Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

*PROPENSITY TO CHANGE*
A woman marries a man expecting that he will change, but he doesn’t.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, but she does.

*DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE*
A woman has the last word in every argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

*HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED*
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, “you’re next.” They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.