Sunday, October 28, 2007
I think I'm becoming a self-centered hypocritical bastard. Dun you think so?

You know what, I cannot believe it myself, i just left a nice happening house warming party to come home and... DO WORK!!!

My lack of socializing recently lead to my drop in alcohol tolerance.. One shot of vodka and I'm high.. or maybe cos i had like 5 glass of wine before that and about 2 cups of cocktails.. but..

Or is it my recent envy for those who had school work from 9 - 5 and go home so exhausted that they can sleep? I am given all my afternoons off for project but i just feel so sick of spending time doing a project in a subject that i have a interest as a hobby but NOT a academic achievement..

Or that i feel really sad nowadays when I'm home and no one ask me out especially on weekends... not that i am craving to go out.. i thought i grew out of such childish thoughts.. but it appears I'm still immature... And i have the anal habit to saying other people are immature...

And I'm becoming a clean freak... I keep complaining my house-mate is dirty and dun clean the stuff after use until sometime later.. but then its just cos i dun like to use the kitchen when its dirty but i want to use the kitchen and i cannot stand the sight of things unwashed.. but i'll get fed up when i keep washing things that i did not use.. i wouldn't mind if someone ask mi to help them with stuff or clean for them cos they need help/busy.. but not 'force' me to do it cos i cannot stand the sight of it.. blah blah blah.. argh.. i guess part of the thing with having my iwn place is the desire to keep it neat and tidy.. i use to just throw the unwashed stuff away in sch halls...

And and.. its kinda weird... but you know what.. one person asked me over supper i bout to have something i like cos i keep saying no.. ( u know who u r).. but then.. now that i really think about it.. its really true.. i dun really have something i really like.. a food that i like to eat.. or a movie i like to watch.. i have lots of shows i dun mind watching or in a whim of a mood i want to see this or that.. or a item that in impulse i want to have but will lose interest in no time.. THE THING is.. everything changes with my thoughts.. i can prefer to have this thing now but in one week i i actually prefer not to have it.. and its precisely this reason why i haven't bother to get attached yet.. cos i never really met anyone i really liked.. i just have lots of people i like for a short while but dun really care about one week later.. or this or that.. how do u expect me to tell you what i like when i dun even know myself? one thing is for sure.. i do seems to be growing a preference for older and mature woman recently.. but they all tend to be attached or married.. but i guess like all things else.. its just gonna be for a short while..

U know what.. I guess it doesn't hurt to be such a bastard.. whats the point in being nice.. i dun get appreciated for it.. more like when i dun do something i get negative response cos of it..

and there u have a hypo-critical run of the mill bastard who is just whining about his totally boring and meaningless life..